What’s your first reaction when you read that title? You may say yes or no, but your answer probably will be more nuanced than that. You may respond with, “Some of the time I am, but not all the time.” Or you may be curious and ask, “Why do you want to know?” or “What do you mean by ‘happy’”? I can imagine that some people I know would get a little irritated and give me a lecture about how childish it is that we’re encouraged to be happy. That it’s such an American thing.
What Does “Happy” Mean To You?
For starters, what does “happy” mean to you? For some people, it might mean being very positive, even joyful, most of the time. Others think it might be more restrained, like feeling satisfied or peaceful. Oxford Languages defines happy as “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment,” along with some synonyms like cheerful, cheery, and merry.
In his book 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People, David Niven offers ways to be happy. Things such as focusing on the future rather than on the past. Or by accomplishing something every day, even if it’s small; knowing we always have a choice; realizing that all things in life are temporary; and many more. The one that caught my eye was being satisfied with what you have and not comparing yourself to others. This is particularly important as we get older because not only do we sometimes compare ourselves to younger people, but we even compare our current selves to how we were ten or twenty years ago. No matter how well we’ve taken care of ourselves, we simply are not physically the same as we were twenty years ago.
My Observations
I’ve interviewed hundreds of women, and a question I often ask is: “Do you feel as if you’re getting older? If you do, what is that feeling? And if you don’t, why is it you think you don’t?” I haven’t kept careful track of the answers, but I would guess that at least 95% say that, of course, they feel physically as if they’re getting older, but not in other important ways like how they feel about themselves deep inside. My sense is that most of these women are at least fairly happy. I think that has to do to some degree with their acceptance of the impact of aging on their bodies, both in how they feel and how they look.
This acceptance is not easy to come by given the constant stream of messages we get about the joys of being young. We get these messages in advertisements, TV shows, and movies that assign certain roles to women based on their ages. This has gotten a bit better, and we still have a long way to go.
Is Happy Better?
I admit to a strong bias to thinking the better way to be is happy. And I know not everyone agrees with that. I was in a workshop once where several people talked about how they preferred to be unhappy. They said being happy was a superficial way to live. I don’t understand that, but I respect their right to feel that way.
Does it matter if someone is happy or not? Yes, it does. There is a significant amount of well-documented research to indicate that happier people have better health. They have fewer illnesses, improved immune systems, increased longevity, and a reduction in the perception of pain, just to name some of the impacts. (For example, see How Happiness Impacts Your Health.)
But How?
So, if you want to be happier even as you get older and experience the inevitable changes in your body, how can you make that happen? In addition to the suggestions given by David Niven above and the many more in his book, one of the things you can do as an older woman is to look for role models who are living the life you want to live as the years pass. There are many older women living full, happy, productive lives. And they are nothing like the examples we see on TV and in ads. You also can begin each day feeling gratitude for the many blessings you do have and for the things that are going well in your life. For a good guidebook on this, see Amy Collette’s book The Gratitude Connection.
If you have other suggestions, please respond so we can all learn from you. And remember that being happy does not mean being merry all the time. For each of us, it will be a different feeling ranging all the way from joyous to quietly contented.
Learn More…
The Prime Spark Membership Community is designed for women 50 (or close) and older to support one another. We learn and grow together while furthering the mission of Prime Spark. Membership currently is closed. If you’re interested in joining, please send an email to [email protected] and ask to be placed on the waitlist.
To learn more about Prime Spark, go to www.primesparkwomen.com.
Recent Comments