I recently heard Emily Klor, a COO at Allstate Insurance Company, where she drew a distinction between living a balanced life and being centered in life. I found this fascinating because for several years I’ve thought that balance just isn’t possible for many women I know. And for several years all we’ve heard is how important it is to live a balanced life. Whenever I read one of the articles touting the importance of living a balanced life, I think how frustrating this must be for women who simply are not able to live a balanced life during whatever time frame they are living through at the moment. Women Over 50: Are You Centered in Life?

Women’s Change in Focus

For women pursuing higher education, for example, their time and focus is on all the things that need to be done to attain whatever degree, certificate, or diploma they’re working toward. Newly professional women? Their time and focus is on learning all the things they need to learn about being in the professional environment so they can succeed in whatever way is important to them. For mothers, especially those with full-time jobs, no more needs to be said! And for any women who decide to take a conventional retirement, it seems as though they should have lots of time available—but how many retired people have you heard say that they now are so busy they don’t know how they ever had time to work?

On the other hand, what would it be like to be centered in life? How do you feel when you’re totally present, no matter what’s going on right then? What comes to my mind is the image of a martial artist engaged in the work. Their focus is 100 percent. They are right in the moment, ready for whatever comes their way. This may be an extreme example, but when I feel totally present, focused on THE thing I’m doing, I feel calm, my breathing slows, and I become fairly unaware of whatever else is going on around me. Is that true for you too? How would you describe the feeling of being totally present in the moment?

Being Centered As We Age

I think being centered is especially important for us as we get older. Some of the women I work with tell me they are worrying more than they used to. They have a tendency to catastrophize things they previously would have brushed off. They also get tired listening to their friends recount things that happened in the distant past. Both of these examples sound like women who are not living in the present moment; they aren’t centered. This is not to say that we never should think about what could go wrong in the future or relive memories from the past, but when we do that too much, we are not focused on the present moment and may miss pleasant things happening now or lose our chance to take meaningful action.

Being centered is focusing on right now, in this moment. What is happening right now? How am I feeling right now? What do I want to do right now? How can I be of help right now? What potential unpleasantness can I avoid by noticing what’s going on in this moment and exiting the situation immediately if that seems called for? I have found asking these questions very helpful when I’m afraid of what might happen. If I can remember to say to myself, “I’m okay right now,” it helps the fear dissipate—and, with a clearer mind, I can decide what I want to do.

Present In The Moment

How do we further develop our ability to be in the present moment? As most of us know by now, there is an endless number of books, articles, YouTube videos, podcasts, etc., on mindfulness. There’s no one right resource for everyone, but one technique that many people have found helpful is Jon-Kabat Zinn’s Mind Body Stress Relief (MBSR). There are classes and MBSR centers all over the world. If you’re interested, just Google “MBSR.” If this turns out to be not what you’re looking for, ask your friends what works for them or contact a local meditation center for information.

Being centered is an internal job. Trying to live a balanced life occurs more externally. If we are centered or working to become more so, we have a better chance of living a happy and fulfilling life. No matter what happens to us. At a minimum we won’t live our lives constantly worrying about what might happen in the future.

Agree? Disagree? Please let me know.

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