Recently I was in a Zoom session where Stacy Peralta was being interviewed. I wasn’t familiar with him, but several others on the call were. He has done many things in his life. He became a legendary skateboarder, surfer, and filmmaker, and now is involved in fine arts as a painter. 

During the interview, Stacy gave us a fascinating metaphor: Imagine removing a pan of boiling water from the stove and setting it on a counter. Gradually the temperature of the water will decrease to that of the temperature of the room. This is explained by the second law of thermodynamics, which very simplified states that all natural systems experience entropy. In the case of the pan of boiling water, the heat will always pass from a hotter body to a colder body, and never the reverse. He concluded his metaphor by saying that we should do whatever we can not to become room temperature—that we have to keep a flame going under ourselves.

Is Your Flame Burning Brightly?

For many of us, I think this is fairly easy in our twenties, thirties, and into our forties. Then, if we’re not careful, entropy sets in. We let the flame under us go out, and suddenly we’re at room temperature and we feel flat, unmotivated, bored, empty. We’re left wondering, “Is this it?” And then, if we don’t do something, it IS it. 

This “cooling down” can happen fairly easily because our society keeps telling us, in many ways, that this is just the way it is. That’s just what happens as one gets older. This is true for all of us. It is particularly true for women who, in society’s view, stop being attractive and sexy in our late forties, and certainly by the time we’re in our mid-fifties.

So, how do we fight this tendency? How do we keep the flame hot and not become room temperature?

A Little At A Time

At the risk of mixing metaphors, this morning I was reading the daily entry from the Cloud Appreciation Society (yes there is such a thing and, it’s great fun to join and get their messages). There was a picture of a very large, dense cloud that had been spotted over Watauga, Texas. The writer points out that we might think of clouds as being weightless, but in fact some are very, very heavy. For example, this particular cloud was estimated to weigh about the same as 80,000 Asian elephants. If that’s the case, how does the cloud stay up in the sky? The explanation offered was, “The cloud stays up because the water’s divided into tiny particles. Each is small enough to be wafted up like motes of dust in the air currents within the cloud.” (Am I beginning to sound like a cloud geek?)

What I thought when reading that was, “Well, THAT’S the way we stay buoyant!”. To keep the flame burning brightly and avoid becoming room temperature, we don’t necessarily have to take giant steps every day, start wildly new projects, or make a major impact on the world month after month, although we certainly can. What we need to do is take small, consistent, focused actions every day. This keeps us active, contributing, and enjoying life and the people around us. 

How Can You Start?

Do you feel as if you’re already living this way? Good for you! Keep going! But if not, what can you do? For starters, think of five things that bring you joy. Make a plan to do each one in the near future. If it’s not something that can be done right away, what steps can you take to make sure you do it as soon as possible? 

Another strategy is to become aware of what you’re beginning to pay more attention to than you did in the past. Now look for a pattern in the things you’ve identified. Are some of them related? Do they spark ideas about something you could get involved with and see how it develops over time? 

For myself, about five years ago I realized that I was becoming more and more aware of times I was being treated in a certain way solely because of my age. Clerks were calling me “honey” and “dear.” Doctors often chalked everything up to my “getting older.” Ads in magazines suddenly seemed extremely ageist, depicting older adults as frail, needing help, confused. All the female stars in TV shows and movies were in their twenties and thirties. Unless the mother also was involved, in which case she was some kind of problem. Several months after I started having these realizations, I developed Prime Spark to address how our society sees and treats older women.

Small Steps

Initially, I took very small steps like beginning to jot down ideas for a website. I occasionally wrote a blog or two. And I kept at it every day, gradually adding more and more to what Prime Spark would become. Is this what keeps the flame under me burning brightly? You bet it is! Just ask anyone who knows me if I seem passionate about my work. Will this last forever? Who knows, but if it doesn’t, now I know how to find that next thing and take small, consistent actions to bring it into reality.

Do you have a story to share about your own way of keeping your flame going, so you don’t cool down to room temperature? Please write it below so we can all learn from each other.

Learn More…

The Prime Spark Membership Community is designed for women age 50 (or close) and older to support one another. We learn and grow together while furthering the mission of Prime Spark.

Membership currently is closed. If you’re interested in joining, please send an email to [email protected] and ask to be placed on the waitlist.

To learn more about Prime Spark, go to www.primesparkwomen.com.